8 Rules of Love by Jay Shetty
The Real-Quick Rundown
Title: 8 Rules of Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go
Author: Jay Shetty
Genre / Vibe: Self-help meets spiritual coaching, TED Talk in paperback
Page Count / Time Commitment: 320 pages / 1 week if you’re taking notes, a weekend if you’re rage-skimming
Published: January 2023
Read It How: Audiobook while deep-cleaning my kitchen and journaling through a situationship
Rating: 4.5 out of 5 mirror pep talks
What’s It About (No Spoilers, Promise)
Jay Shetty distills ancient Vedic philosophy and his own experiences as a monk into eight “rules” designed to help you understand and evolve your approach to love—romantic, familial, spiritual, and self-directed.
Think less swipe right and more sit with yourself first. He walks us through stages of love—from solitude to healing, dating to commitment, and ultimately release.
It’s not a “manifest your soulmate” guide. It’s more like: learn to love without losing your damn self.
First Stitch
The hype was loud from one of my girlfriends, so I broke and dived in.
What surprised me? The practical parts. The reminders that love isn’t a feeling—it’s a skill. A set of actions. A practice. Like knitting… but for your heart.
What I Loved
Clear stages of love, especially the emphasis on solitude and healing before partnership
Real talk about attachment, control, and ego (without shaming)
Integrating ancient wisdom with modern realities (therapy + dharma = yes please)
He actually says “don’t date until you’ve forgiven your parents”
Journal prompts that didn’t make me cringe
“Love doesn’t happen to you. You happen to love.” ← OK Jay, I see you.
What Missed the Mark
Could’ve been tighter—some chapters meander
Light on queerness, heavy on heteronormative relationship patterns
Gets a little... Instagram-coachy at times
Repeats himself more than necessary (if I had a dollar for every time he said “you can’t give what you don’t have…”)
Themes, Threads, & Thought Spirals
This book is not about finding The One. It’s about becoming The One—for yourself.
Jay challenges us to stop chasing love as a reward and start building it like a garden: with intention, boundaries, and a whole lot of composted ego.
“Loneliness is not cured by company. Loneliness is cured by connection—with yourself.”
That line? That line got under my ribcage and stayed awhile.
Other threads I loved:
Solitude as sacred (and necessary)
Healing childhood wounds before romanticizing new ones
Love as service, not sacrifice
Letting go with grace (not ghosting)
This book doesn’t give you a soulmate. It gives you a mirror.
Who’s Gonna Love This?
People in the “I’m healing before dating again” era
Readers who highlight self-help books in three colors
Anyone who vibes with bell hooks’ All About Love but wants a monk’s POV
Burned-out lovers looking for softness and structure
One Line That Slapped
“You only know how to love when you know how to be alone.”
Oof. Heard and Felt!
Final Take
8 Rules of Love won’t save your relationship—but it might help you stop self-abandoning in one.
Less preachy than expected, more practical than promised, and sneakily tender in its own TEDx-y way.
4.5 out of 5 mindful breakups. Worth a read if you’re reworking your relationship to... relationships.
Read this one? What love rule hit you hardest? Drop a 💔 or 🧘 if you're dating yourself these days.
